I had a mommy test today....

okay, so like when Carson has one of his "episodes", which are not very often any more, I call it a mommy test now. It is a test of my ability, self control, tolerance and patience level, and how well I can bite my tounge. Let me explain, see Carson has what I believe is a mix of selective mutism and something else. We went to therapy when he was younger because he had what the therapist called "difficulties controlling and expressing frustration". You see, when we get frustrated we know how to deal and let it out in certain outlets...Carson doesn't understand how to or know how to. So he gets really really really worked up to the point that there is no way to really deal with him until he calms down and starts thinking rationally again. He can't help it, so for the most part you have to drop to his level and try to see eye to eye with him. He used to have episodes alot when he was really little, now that he's older, he doesn't have them often at all.

BUT, when he does have them...I believe it is God testing my parenting ability (to see how I handle myself), my self control (to see if I can withhold the urge to beat him to death - not seriously of course), tolerance (to see how much I can tolerate before I literally snap) and patience level (to see if I am really as patient as people claim I am) and my ability to hold my tounge (and not just start screaming at the top of my lungs every profane word in the book). Now of course, I am totally not serious in this in that I am very tolerant for the most part and I can control myself and the urges to just smack him. I simply walk away and take a few deep breaths and bring MYSELF down....but bless his heart, they really bring me to the edge of my breaking point. Tonight, we had one such episode....between dance class and ball practice.

DAnce class ended 30 minutes before ball practice started. Dance class is in Bryant, ball practice in Haskell, which is a good 20 minute drive...mind you I have to wait on princess ballerina to SLOWLY change her shoes and everyone get in the car and such...so I have to book it. Well, prince charming wanted to stop at the gas station in between which we didn't have time for. So he lost it. I took him to the bathroom (slight exaggeration there...I literally dragged him) and whipped his butt (not too hard...so don't get all "your beating your child" cause that soooo is not the case) and he ran to the car and decided he wasn't playing ball. So I let him sit for an hour in the car alone (within eye shot so its okay) and let him pout. Then I let daddy deal with him when we got home. Oh, and I grounded from every electronic outlet available to him for a week (video games, movies, computer, etc.). His life is just sooooo ruined now! But I was sooo frustrated with him at the ballpark I could have screamed. I just nearly lost it completely. Maybe I did, but I don't care. I just can't tolerate that attitude from him!! GGGRRR....